Have you ever experienced deep sadness that catches you off guard and then simultaneous joy?
This morning I stood at Aaron's bedside as I do most every morning to encourage him to get ready for school.
(I learned from my husband that my way of getting the kids up is completely dysfunctional. He sings funny and sweet songs to them....many days they wake up to Zippity Doo Dah or What'd That Baby Do (that one is to the tune of my cell phone morning alarm)....Rick sure knows the sweeter and kinder way to wake a sleeping child who does not want to get out of their warm bed to get dressed for school. "It is 7:40, now get up" just isn't near as effective as Rick's methods....so I too have changed my morning greetings.)
Daddy had already been singing when I entered Aaron's room. After tickling his back, I told Aaron that he has three days off school coming and on Sunday the Easter Bunny would be visiting. Earlier in the week Aaron announced that he believes the Easter Bunny is a fable. So this morning while spending a few quiet and treasured moments sitting on his bedside, I told him it was ok to believe the Easter Bunny is a fable....but that I'd like him to keep that to himself and not share it with Zach. Aaron smiled and agreed.
The very next second....and even while typing this now....all I could do was cry. My sweet precious son....my first natural born child....is growing up....right before my eyes and it won't be long that Zach too will announce that the Easter Bunny is a fable.....My babies aren't babies any more.
Why sadness? I don't really know....perhaps because I can remember the first moment of each of their lives and almost all of those moments afterwards up to this very day and this morning I saw my "baby" laying in his bed....nearly taking up the entire twin bed....top to bottom....with his long legs still snuggling with his Tiggy.....the stuffie he has had since he was a baby.....8 1/2 years later.....Aaron still loves his Tiggy and I love that he loves Tiggy and still sleeps with him every night. My baby....is not a baby any more.....and call me hormonal....silly....or just a Mom who dearly loves this journey as a Mother and is turning a corner.....what a wonderful gift it is being their Mom....the Joy is overwhelming and the Joy also brings tears.....a transformation....an Easter transformation....interesting isn't it?
It was not that long ago that I was dreaming of being a Mother. I remember thinking I'd never lie to my children....never tell them Santa was real or that the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy were coming....and then it just happened....I never really told them they were not real....I just didn't say anything. When Aaron asked who Santa is....I told him, "Santa is a friend of God" and I left it at that. I say the same thing about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and any other childhood magic that comes along.....they are all just friends of God here to love you and bring you some joy and a little fun.
I asked Zach what he want he thought the Easter Bunny would bring him, in a quiet moment we shared before he left for school this morning. Zach said, "Chocolate." Then he followed with...."I hope he brings Pokemon cards too." This is most likely the beginning of a new chapter of our lives as a family.
Why am I sharing all of this with you....you may be wondering......I guess because I am moved to share those times when I feel so deeply real....like I'm touching the strings that bind humanity....when I feel most connected to other Mothers and those who have nurtured someone....it is sort of like The Resurrection? New life.....a re-life....a coming back to life.....or coming back to the life within us....one another? Perhaps a stirring of new growth...Spring....maybe the dawn of a new awareness.....I'm not a religious person....I call myself a person of deep faith without a religion.....this morning I am taken aback by the commonality of these events coinciding. I blog/write to share common interests, experiences, and pleasures....to connect with others....to share processes....so why not include this one too, right?
This Easter I will marvel ....this process....the joys of being with the family I love so very much.....and I will believe that this is universal....and that the power of Love and Joy is what will bind all of us together.....the stitches of our lives....with a unique quilted patchwork of faces and experiences....May you have a wonderful weekend and if it includes Chocolate....enjoy every second of it :)
This morning I stood at Aaron's bedside as I do most every morning to encourage him to get ready for school.
(I learned from my husband that my way of getting the kids up is completely dysfunctional. He sings funny and sweet songs to them....many days they wake up to Zippity Doo Dah or What'd That Baby Do (that one is to the tune of my cell phone morning alarm)....Rick sure knows the sweeter and kinder way to wake a sleeping child who does not want to get out of their warm bed to get dressed for school. "It is 7:40, now get up" just isn't near as effective as Rick's methods....so I too have changed my morning greetings.)
Daddy had already been singing when I entered Aaron's room. After tickling his back, I told Aaron that he has three days off school coming and on Sunday the Easter Bunny would be visiting. Earlier in the week Aaron announced that he believes the Easter Bunny is a fable. So this morning while spending a few quiet and treasured moments sitting on his bedside, I told him it was ok to believe the Easter Bunny is a fable....but that I'd like him to keep that to himself and not share it with Zach. Aaron smiled and agreed.
The very next second....and even while typing this now....all I could do was cry. My sweet precious son....my first natural born child....is growing up....right before my eyes and it won't be long that Zach too will announce that the Easter Bunny is a fable.....My babies aren't babies any more.
Why sadness? I don't really know....perhaps because I can remember the first moment of each of their lives and almost all of those moments afterwards up to this very day and this morning I saw my "baby" laying in his bed....nearly taking up the entire twin bed....top to bottom....with his long legs still snuggling with his Tiggy.....the stuffie he has had since he was a baby.....8 1/2 years later.....Aaron still loves his Tiggy and I love that he loves Tiggy and still sleeps with him every night. My baby....is not a baby any more.....and call me hormonal....silly....or just a Mom who dearly loves this journey as a Mother and is turning a corner.....what a wonderful gift it is being their Mom....the Joy is overwhelming and the Joy also brings tears.....a transformation....an Easter transformation....interesting isn't it?
It was not that long ago that I was dreaming of being a Mother. I remember thinking I'd never lie to my children....never tell them Santa was real or that the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy were coming....and then it just happened....I never really told them they were not real....I just didn't say anything. When Aaron asked who Santa is....I told him, "Santa is a friend of God" and I left it at that. I say the same thing about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and any other childhood magic that comes along.....they are all just friends of God here to love you and bring you some joy and a little fun.
I asked Zach what he want he thought the Easter Bunny would bring him, in a quiet moment we shared before he left for school this morning. Zach said, "Chocolate." Then he followed with...."I hope he brings Pokemon cards too." This is most likely the beginning of a new chapter of our lives as a family.
Why am I sharing all of this with you....you may be wondering......I guess because I am moved to share those times when I feel so deeply real....like I'm touching the strings that bind humanity....when I feel most connected to other Mothers and those who have nurtured someone....it is sort of like The Resurrection? New life.....a re-life....a coming back to life.....or coming back to the life within us....one another? Perhaps a stirring of new growth...Spring....maybe the dawn of a new awareness.....I'm not a religious person....I call myself a person of deep faith without a religion.....this morning I am taken aback by the commonality of these events coinciding. I blog/write to share common interests, experiences, and pleasures....to connect with others....to share processes....so why not include this one too, right?
This Easter I will marvel ....this process....the joys of being with the family I love so very much.....and I will believe that this is universal....and that the power of Love and Joy is what will bind all of us together.....the stitches of our lives....with a unique quilted patchwork of faces and experiences....May you have a wonderful weekend and if it includes Chocolate....enjoy every second of it :)
"Babies who are no longer Babies"
Smiles,
Kelly
PS...I hope this all makes some sense....I'm not going to edit and re-edit....the essence is what is important to me to share....so if something doesn't seem to flow or make sense....just fill in the blanks and pretend it all makes sense....that's what I do ...then I giggle :)
