I Have A Notion: Aurifil Thread

Meet Davide Moro, from Aurifil Threads. Davide, I'm pleased to introduce you to the IHAN blog readers.

Poor Davide was walking down the hallway just before Schoolhouse at Quilt Market opened. I yelled in my oh so polite voice, Mr. Aurifil, and I chased Davide down for a photo. He was so polite to turn and smile. Little did he know that it was just a plan to get him accustomed to being distracted in preparation for the IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist!!! It worked :)

Later in the morning I ran in to Alex Veronelli, from Aurifil Threads, (same goes for Alex as Ricky yesterday and anyone else with their eyes closed : ) I would recognize his face....even on Facebook!!!

Little does Alex know the only Aurifil Thread he will be able to sell will be the Aurifil he sells at Sample Spree because the rest will be gone in a IHAN blink!!! See how relaxed he looks.

Davide is friendly enough to say hello again later in the day. Just as I got close enough to him and he relaxed (his breathing was nice and even and his arms loosely dangled at his sides) I went in for the initial IHAN tactical move -

The IHAN head lock!!!

My plan was to learn the exact amount of pressure I would need to keep him at bay should he try to defend the Aurifil Thread Stands! See ladies and gentleman, you have to "case the joint" before you rob it. Casing the "joint" (Aurifil Booth) is part of the planning process. I learned this from a really big mobster (Al Capone) while in the Pokey.

Edyta Sitar, Laundry Basket Quilts, was just finishing up her Schoolhouse lecture when this photo was taken. Since Edyta knows me, she was very relaxed as she posed for a photo. The woman she was posing for just loves Edya's book, "Hop To It." Edyta is completely unaware that I was reaching into her bag to take her Aurifil Thread Kit. Notice she does not even flinch.

I know, bragging about a theft is not typically polite....but since I know I'll be judged by a jury of my peers, who in their right mind would blame me? Not a quilter, right?

Since this was just a dry run, I gave Edyta's Thread Kit back to her. Her husband, now all trim and fit, was giving me "the look." You know "the look?" The one where he is telepathically saying, "you touch her Aurifil Thread Kit again and I'm going to clock you!! Yes, that one. He definitely looked like he could run faster than me so I backed away slowly.

Later in the day.....

Davide was so compulsive he could not stop arranging the Aurifil display. He had to be sure everything was just perfect. Since I noticed he was hyper-focused, I felt invisible as I crawled up to the display to steal the first box of Aurifil Thread.

As Davide, Alex and Elena were chatting with customers, I took the opportunity to grab my first Aurifil Thread display. I wanted it to be small enough that I could still run fast without dropping a single spool. If it were bags of money I were stealing I might not mind as much if a few bills flew away.....but I was not about to let even one spool of Aurifil Thread roll away. NOT A CHANCE!!

I could not contain my joy as the security cameras captured my grin!!! I forgot to shoot out the security camera with my IHAN secret ray gun that zaps all security cameras and renders them useless until the "Red Head" disappears from sight.

Here I am running right past the cleaning lad, she never even noticed. I'm 6 feet tall and I've never let my height get in the way of stealing Quilting Notions. Most folks are fooled by the smile and friendly persona this IHAN thief puts on.....little do they know that they are the unsuspecting targets of a IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist.

I lost my finesse as Alex Veronelli turned just in time to see me tilting the Aurifil Display onto my dolly (a pair of my size 12 roller skates. They double as a great dolly). I quickly put on the IHAN friendly smile and pretended I was "just playing." The entire time my dark inner thoughts were "Look Mr. AV....I'm not letting you or anyone else get in the way of my desires....so just back your silver-haired-self with the lover-like-eyes OFF and away from MY Aurifil Display!!!"

I knew I would be too much for him. Look at his smile. He is showing a little frustration but the IHAN determination gleans right through my teeth. This Aurifil Thread will be mine!!!

Later, I went for the big spools. My only regret, I did not think to wear bigger underwear. Can you imagine what I could have done with Triple G's? I could have had several in one trip. Next time I'll be better prepared :)

Ooops, I'm coming undone....one little thread at a time.

Most gals want smaller waists and pant sizes. NOT me!!! The bigger the better. I'm such a perfect sized Gal that I can stuff The Ultra Collection by Mark Lipinski right into my pants. Well, I guess I ate too much at breakfast.....so I did the next best thing......

I stuffed it up my shirt. How noticeable could it be?

Not very ay?

Now for the back loader. I figure I can manage a few Aurifil Thread Kits in the back right?

Well, there may be a little bit of IHAN sticking out of the right side of my shirt. If there were less of that I would have had more room for the Aurifil Thread Kits. Now that is REAL incentive to get rid of the extra IHAN on my sides, right? RIGHT!!!

The Grand Finale

I had just commandeered a Forklift and off with the Aurifil crate I drove.....all the way back to IHAN.

Aurifil Thread displays are now at IHAN....and they are only for me. Sorry I can't share....I'm saving them just in case I get sent to the Pokey and need bail. I'm offering one of each color to anyone who posts bond.

The remainder of all of these Aurifil beauties will be split equally with the jury at my trial. Now see if you have a leg to stand on Alex, Davide and Elena!! The three of you will burst into tears when the Judge takes her gavel/donker and swings it into the air in a free motion quilting type move and announces the verdict -

NOT GUILTY

ON THE GOUNDS THAT AURIFIL WAS JUST WAY TOO TEMPTING!!!

It will be Aurifil's fault and they will have to pay a hefty fine to IHAN for the emotional pain and suffering that was caused by having to gaze upon their lovely Aurifil Threads and Kits. This is what I call a Win/Win situation :)

It is so important to return to the "scene of the crime" so you don't look like a "real" suspect. So I casually walked back by their display to see Edyta Sitar's "A Few of My Favorites 50wt Aurifil Thread Set" . It is absolutely beautiful...don't you think?

Then I casually gazed at Pat Sloan's 40wt Machine Piecing and Quilting Thread Kit and then at her 50wt Machine Quilting and Applique Thread Kit. I was happy to see Pat's Sweet Liberty Heart Kit all made up. I really like this pattern.

I just want to close by saying I can not confirm nor deny the "validity" of this post. Since honesty is an IHAN value.....I will just say.....I'm honestly not confirming nor denying any part of this story!!!

The IHAN Poppy Queen Wave