Thursday, May 27, 2010

Aurifil Thread Heist at Spring Quilt Market 2010 in Minneapolis

Meet Davide Moro, from Aurifil Threads.  Davide, I'm pleased to introduce you to the IHAN blog readers.

Poor Davide was walking down the hallway just before Schoolhouse at Quilt Market opened. I yelled in my oh so polite voice, Mr. Aurifil, and I chased Davide down for a photo. He was so polite to turn and smile. Little did he know that it was just a plan to get him accustomed to being distracted in preparation for the IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist!!! It worked :)


Later in the morning I ran in to Alex Veronelli, from Aurifil Threads, (same goes for Alex as Ricky yesterday and anyone else with their eyes closed : )  I would recognize his face....even on Facebook!!!

Little does Alex know the only Aurifil Thread  he will be able to sell will be the Aurifil he sells at Sample Spree because the rest will be gone in a IHAN blink!!!  See how relaxed he looks. 

Davide is friendly enough to say hello again later in the day.  Just as I got close enough to him and he relaxed (his breathing was nice and even and his arms loosely dangled at his sides) I went in for the initial IHAN tactical move -
The IHAN head lock!!! 

My plan was to learn the exact amount of pressure I would need to keep him at bay should he try to defend the Aurifil Thread Stands!  See ladies and gentleman, you have to "case the joint" before you rob it.  Casing the "joint" (Aurifil Booth) is part of the planning process.  I learned this from a really big mobster (Al Capone) while in the Pokey.

Edyta Sitar, Laundry Basket Quilts, was just finishing up her Schoolhouse lecture when this photo was taken. Since Edyta knows me, she was very relaxed as she posed for a photo.  The woman she was posing for just loves Edya's book, "Hop To It."  Edyta is completely unaware that I was reaching into her bag to take her Aurifil Thread Kit.  Notice she does not even  flinch.
I know, bragging about a theft is not typically polite....but since I know I'll be judged by a jury of my peers, who in their right mind would blame me?  Not a quilter, right? 
Since this was just a dry run, I gave Edyta's Thread Kit back to her.  Her husband, now all trim and fit, was giving me "the look."  You know "the look?"  The one where he is telepathically saying, "you touch her Aurifil Thread Kit again and I'm going to clock you!!  Yes, that one.  He definitely looked like he could run faster than me so I backed away slowly.


Later in the day.....
Davide was so compulsive he could not stop arranging the Aurifil display.  He had to be sure everything was  just perfect.  Since I noticed he was hyper-focused, I felt  invisible as I crawled up to the display to steal the  first box of Aurifil Thread.

As Davide, Alex and Elena were chatting with customers, I took the opportunity to grab my first Aurifil Thread display.  I wanted it to be small enough that I could still run fast without dropping a single spool.  If it were bags of money I were stealing  I might not mind as much  if a few bills flew away.....but I was not about to let even one spool of Aurifil Thread roll away.  NOT A CHANCE!!
I could not contain my joy as the security cameras captured my grin!!!  I forgot to shoot out the security camera with my IHAN secret ray gun that zaps all security cameras and renders them useless until the "Red Head" disappears from sight.
Here I am running right past the cleaning lad, she never even noticed.  I'm 6 feet tall and I've never let my height get in the way of stealing Quilting Notions.  Most folks are fooled by the smile and friendly persona this IHAN thief puts on.....little do they know that they are the unsuspecting targets of a IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist.
I lost my finesse as Alex Veronelli turned just in time to see me tilting the Aurifil Display onto my dolly (a pair of my size 12 roller skates.  They double as a great dolly).  I quickly put on the IHAN friendly smile and pretended I was "just playing."  The entire time my dark inner thoughts were "Look Mr. AV....I'm not letting you or anyone else get in the way of my desires....so just back your silver-haired-self with the lover-like-eyes OFF and away from MY Aurifil Display!!!"

I knew I would be too much for him.  Look at his smile.  He is showing a little frustration but the IHAN determination gleans right through my teeth.  This Aurifil Thread will be mine!!! 
Later,  I went for the big spools.  My only regret, I did not think to wear bigger underwear.  Can you imagine what I could have done with Triple G's?  I could have had several in one trip.  Next time I'll be better prepared :)
Ooops, I'm coming undone....one little thread at a time. 
Most gals want smaller waists and pant sizes.  NOT me!!!  The bigger the better.  I'm such a perfect sized Gal that I can stuff The Ultra Collection by Mark Lipinski right into my pants.  Well, I guess I ate too much at breakfast.....so I did the next best thing......

I stuffed it up my shirt.  How noticeable could it be?

Not very ay?

Now for the back loader.  I figure I can manage a few Aurifil Thread Kits in the back right?
Well, there may be a little bit of IHAN sticking out of the right side of my shirt.  If there were less of that I would have had more room for the Aurifil Thread Kits.  Now that is REAL incentive to get rid of the extra IHAN on my sides, right?  RIGHT!!!
The Grand Finale


I had just commandeered a Forklift and off with the Aurifil crate I drove.....all the way back to IHAN.


Aurifil Thread displays are now at IHAN....and they are only for me.  Sorry I can't share....I'm saving them just in case I get sent to the Pokey and need bail.  I'm offering one of each color to anyone who posts bond. 
 
The remainder of all of these Aurifil beauties will be split equally with the jury at my trial.  Now see if you have a leg to stand on Alex, Davide and Elena!!   The three of you will burst into tears when the Judge takes her gavel/donker and swings it into the air in a free motion quilting type move and announces the verdict -

NOT GUILTY
ON THE GOUNDS THAT AURIFIL WAS JUST WAY TOO TEMPTING!!!

It will be Aurifil's fault and they will have to pay a hefty fine to IHAN for the emotional pain and suffering that was caused by having to gaze upon their lovely Aurifil Threads and Kits.  This is what I call a Win/Win situation :)

 
It is so important to return to the "scene of the crime" so you don't look like a "real" suspect.  So I casually walked back by their display to see Edyta Sitar's  "A Few of My Favorites 50wt Aurifil Thread Set" .  It is absolutely beautiful...don't you think? 
 Then I casually gazed at Pat Sloan's 40wt Machine Piecing and Quilting Thread Kit and then at her 50wt Machine Quilting and Applique Thread Kit.   I was happy to see Pat's Sweet Liberty Heart Kit all made up.  I really like this pattern.
I just want to close by saying I can not confirm nor deny the "validity" of this post.  Since honesty is an IHAN value.....I will just say.....I'm honestly not confirming nor denying any part of this story!!!
The IHAN Poppy Queen Wave
I will however confirm and validate that all of the following spools of Aurifil Thread was lawfully purchased by me at Sample Spree.
Here they are all lined up.....oh I love to fondle my spools of thread :)  Some are Wool and some are 50 wt.  But I love them all equally!!


Thieving Smiles,
Kelly

31 comments:

  1. What are we going to do with you girl! I mean, the temptation has to be unbelievable! BUT the problem is that there is going to be a ban on IHAN employees at future Markets, and what will you tell your brave little IHAN workers when it comes their turn to enter the gates of quilting regency. Come on, think of them.

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  2. Hmmm... I think I need to offer my services as security in that booth next time. Davide certainly looks like he needs protection from all the quilting Divas. And Maybe he would reward me with a big stash of Aurifil ......

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  3. Oh My word. Thank you so much for the laugh, I really needed it right now. I would have been right with you if I had of been there.

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  4. Now you are the first Quilt Market attendee who took such wonderful pictures and had such a great time there. Everyone had fun, but you had even MORE fun.
    Thanks for this post and make sure you tell anyone who arrests you that I will be HAPPY to be one of the Peers in the Jury, or to post bond.
    squeeee

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  5. How funny you are Kelly :) I am in love with those threads too. So pretty and such wonderful colours. I did enjoy reading about your attempts at hiding your spoils/spools hehehe. I too am 6' tall and was thrilled to hear you are too :)

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  6. Oh what a tangled web you weave.

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  7. Kelly, you are an absolute hoot! I can only imagine the debauchery after a few margaritas!!
    Thanks for many laughs I got reading this!!

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  8. What an entertaining saga! And knowing you, Kelly, people were cracking up as you performed your heists. Woe is the shopper who unwittingly purchases the thread you had down your butt.....

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  9. Girl, you so craaaaazzzyyy!

    Carolyn :o)

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  10. Next time maybe wear a LARGE circle skirt with maybe some thick leg warmers to hold more thread up there... I LOVE Aurifil...It's all I use...

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  11. ROFL!!! You are a certifiable NUT - and i think THAT would be the reason you get off scott free! LOL! I can just see you sitting there innocently with your lawyer... your triple G bra and large drawers filled to overflowing... and claiming innocence! haha.. count me in on the jury, if you are truly bribing us with that thread! LOL!

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  12. You are so funny, I don't really blame you, they are beautiful threads.
    Thanks for the laugh.

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  13. Thank you for starting my day in such good humour. I love the thread and also the way you introduced it. It makes it seem more user-friendly. Thanks.
    RobynK
    New Zealand ROFL

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  14. I think somehow they are not going to forget you in a hurry. You provided the entertainment for their day :-)
    Those Aurifil threads look just wonderful. Gorgeous colour range.
    Have an Aurifil Day :-)
    Cheers
    Lynne

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  15. You're too funny! I just laughed out loud when I saw the forklift.

    Davide has a really nice smile.

    Seriously, Aurifil is my go to thread. I love it!

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  16. You are so funny, I got quite a laugh, reading through your exploits with the aurifil. It is wonderful to have so many choices in threads and colors, a big difference from the basic spools we started with, years ago.

    Debbie

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  17. I'm busy right now printing off ten dollar bills to use for posting your bail.

    Can anyone tell me which President is on that bill, btw?

    Or I could just put Ricky Tims' pic on those - who would notice?

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  18. oh my, you crack me up...I guess I can crack open the PIG to post bail for you.........I hope it's cheap

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  19. Hilarious girl! I would have slipped it into that lady's trash can (The one behind you in the one photo...) They wouldn't have known what hit them!

    What a riot!

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  20. Oh Kelly, you are a bad bad girl!!! You made me giggle with glee!! Have fun with all your pretty threads. I hope you can take a sewing machine with you to the pokey should you get caught! HAHAHA!!!

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  21. ROFL !!! What a great post! These Auriful people look as if having you round was as much of an effort as the whole rest of quiltmarket together! But what great publicity they got for it on your blog! I want some now! Tell them next time to send that display my way and I am sure to do a goofy post too! Great fun!

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  22. Wow what fun you had at the show.

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  23. You just made my morning! It is great to begin the day with a chuckle and a giggle! Thanks!

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  24. Rules of the Heist---You must always have a lookout/wingman/distraction....next time take me and you will be covered......I also drive a mean get away vehicle.....

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  25. Hey Kelly, you just tell me where and how much the bond is, I'll be there, but you better have the thread ready.
    Thanks for the laughs.

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  26. Why should I post bond when I can just take all the threads you stole...you are behind bars...what can you do?

    Enjoyed your post and the one above it as well...

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  27. What an orgasmic post, all those photos of Aurifil, OMG, I love that thread. You definitely need an accomplice and I know just the girl - I look totally inconspicuous in a very baggy , wide sleeved top, wide legged trousers (with elasticated ankles), shawl, very large bag...the only trouble is that I'd get overexcited in the presence of all that Aurifil! Thanks for making my day!

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  28. I'm sitting here laughing my butt off at your antics Kelly....you really are a wag....lol It's good that Davide etc get in on the act too. If I ever get back to USA, I hope we can meet up at one of the fairs/markets so I can get some behind the scene pics! Someone needs to have further evidence for the jury....to show that these vendors really do coherse you into 'acquiring' the items you so lovingly 'handpick' (or is it pickpocket) for us. Hugs Naomi

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  29. **giggle** I really liked the shot with it stuffed up your shirt~ not obvious at all! LOL :-) Thanks for the giggles!

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Thank you for reading the IHAN Blog. I read every comment that is left here however I will not be responding to all coments for giveaways. There are times when I am juggling many tasks at one time and may not reply to all comments. Please e-mail me at IHaveANotion@yahoo.com if you need a reply quickly. I thank you for your understanding.
Smiles,
Kelly

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