Meet Davide Moro, from
Aurifil Threads. Davide, I'm pleased to introduce you to the
IHAN blog readers.
Poor Davide was walking down the hallway just before Schoolhouse at Quilt Market opened. I yelled in my oh so polite voice,
Mr. Aurifil, and I chased Davide down for a photo. He was so polite to turn and smile. Little did he know that it was just a plan to get him accustomed to being distracted in preparation for the
IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist!!! It worked :)
Later in the morning I ran in to
Alex Veronelli, from
Aurifil Threads, (
same goes for Alex as Ricky yesterday and anyone else with their eyes closed : ) I would recognize his face....even on
Facebook!!!
Little does Alex know the only
Aurifil Thread he will be able to sell will be the
Aurifil he sells at Sample Spree because the rest will be gone in a
IHAN blink!!! See how relaxed he looks.
Davide is friendly enough to say hello again later in the day. Just as I got close enough to him and he relaxed (his breathing was nice and even and his arms loosely dangled at his sides) I went in for the initial
IHAN tactical move -
My plan was to learn the exact amount of pressure I would need to keep him at bay should he try to defend the
Aurifil Thread Stands! See ladies and gentleman, you have to "case the joint" before you rob it. Casing the "joint" (
Aurifil Booth) is part of the planning process. I learned this from a really big mobster (Al Capone) while in the Pokey.
Edyta Sitar
, Laundry Basket Quilts, was just finishing up her Schoolhouse lecture when this photo was taken. Since Edyta knows me, she was very relaxed as she posed for a photo. The woman she was posing for just loves Edya's book, "
Hop To It." Edyta is completely unaware that I was reaching into her bag to take her
Aurifil Thread Kit. Notice she does not even flinch.
I know, bragging about a theft is not typically polite....but since I know I'll be judged by a jury of my peers, who in their right mind would blame me? Not a quilter, right?
Since this was just a dry run, I gave
Edyta's Thread Kit back to her. Her husband, now all trim and fit, was giving me "the look." You know "the look?" The one where he is telepathically saying, "you touch her
Aurifil Thread Kit again and I'm going to clock you!! Yes, that one. He definitely looked like he could run faster than me so I backed away slowly.
Later in the day.....
Davide was so compulsive he could not stop arranging the
Aurifil display. He had to be sure everything was just perfect. Since I noticed he was hyper-focused, I felt invisible as I crawled up to the display to steal the first box of
Aurifil Thread.
As Davide, Alex and Elena were chatting with customers, I took the opportunity to grab my first
Aurifil Thread display. I wanted it to be small enough that I could still run fast without dropping a single spool. If it were bags of money I were stealing I might not mind as much if a few bills flew away.....but I was not about to let even one spool of
Aurifil Thread roll away. NOT A CHANCE!!
I could not contain my joy as the security cameras captured my grin!!! I forgot to shoot out the security camera with my
IHAN secret ray gun that zaps all security cameras and renders them useless until the "Red Head" disappears from sight.
Here I am running right past the cleaning lad, she never even noticed. I'm 6 feet tall and I've never let my height get in the way of stealing Quilting Notions. Most folks are fooled by the smile and friendly persona this
IHAN thief puts on.....little do they know that they are the unsuspecting targets of a
IHAN Aurifil Thread Heist.
I lost my finesse as Alex Veronelli turned just in time to see me tilting the
Aurifil Display onto my dolly (a pair of my size 12 roller skates. They double as a great dolly). I quickly put on the
IHAN friendly smile and pretended I was "
just playing." The entire time my dark inner thoughts were "Look Mr. AV....I'm not letting you or anyone else get in the way of my desires....so just back your silver-haired-self with the lover-like-eyes OFF and away from MY
Aurifil Display!!!"
I knew I would be too much for him. Look at his smile. He is showing a little frustration but the
IHAN determination gleans right through my teeth. This
Aurifil Thread will be mine!!!
Later, I went for the big spools. My only regret, I did not think to wear bigger underwear. Can you imagine what I could have done with Triple G's? I could have had several in one trip. Next time I'll be better prepared :)
Ooops, I'm coming undone....one little thread at a time.
Most gals want smaller waists and pant sizes. NOT me!!! The bigger the better. I'm such a perfect sized Gal that I can stuff
The Ultra Collection by Mark Lipinski right into my pants. Well, I guess I ate too much at breakfast.....so I did the next best thing......
I stuffed it up my shirt. How noticeable could it be?
Not very ay?
Well, there may be a little bit of
IHAN sticking out of the right side of my shirt. If there were less of that I would have had more room for the
Aurifil Thread Kits. Now that is
REAL incentive to get rid of the extra
IHAN on my sides, right? RIGHT!!!
The Grand Finale
I had just commandeered a Forklift and off with the
Aurifil crate I drove.....all the way back to
IHAN.
Aurifil Thread displays are now at
IHAN....and they are
only for me. Sorry I can't share....I'm saving them just in case I get sent to the Pokey and need bail. I'm offering one of each color to anyone who posts bond.
The remainder of all of these
Aurifil beauties will be split equally with the jury at my trial. Now see if you have a leg to stand on Alex, Davide and Elena!! The three of you will burst into tears when the Judge takes her gavel/donker and swings it into the air in a free motion quilting type move and announces the verdict -
NOT GUILTY
ON THE GOUNDS THAT AURIFIL WAS JUST WAY TOO TEMPTING!!!
It will be
Aurifil's fault and they will have to pay a hefty fine to
IHAN for the emotional pain and suffering that was caused by having to gaze upon their lovely
Aurifil Threads and Kits. This is what I call a Win/Win situation :)
I just want to close by saying I can not confirm nor deny the "validity" of this post. Since honesty is an
IHAN value.....I will just say.....I'm honestly not confirming nor denying any part of this
story!!!
The
IHAN Poppy Queen Wave
I will however confirm and validate that all of the following spools of
Aurifil Thread was lawfully purchased by me at Sample Spree.
Here they are all lined up.....oh I love to fondle my spools of thread :) Some are Wool and some are 50 wt. But I love them all equally!!